Exhaustion

I am tired.  There is no other way to put it.  I need sleep.  Good quality, long lasting, uninterrupted sleep. 

Unfortunately, that is not going to happen any time soon.  Little Bear has been having a really rough time the past few weeks, more than normal.

Last night he screamed until 7 am.  Could not be comforted.  It is exhausting as a mom to deal with that.  You feel like a failure, and then you both end up crying. 

Today, I slept with him on my chest for 1 hour before I needed to be up for church.  Days like today, I just don't know why I bother.  I was literally stand-rocking-bouncing him for three hours straight.  I cried.  In front of many people.  It was terribly embarrassing.  There where many well meaning comments, from many well meaning people.  But they hurt.  They don't know me. They do not know the hell Little Bear faces each day, and they don't know how long I have go without sleep.  I have so much passion and love for my faith, but days like today I end up leaving more tired, and upset than when I came.  I got nothing out of meetings today.  The main meeting I was dealing with screaming.  I tried to go to Sunday School, and my women's meeting, but that only lasted about 20 seconds before I was walking the halls trying to comfort my poor screaming boy.

I called my mom today, and was sobbing before she even answered the phone.  She is going to take the kids for a couple days so I can rest, and reset.  Bless her beautiful hide.  She is a saint.

I am worried about Wyatt.  He has had some really BLACK diapers this week, which according the GI on call today at Primary Children's it could be internal bleeding in his upper GI tract.  They will do some test tomorrow and we will see.  I really can't handle much more of this. 

Most days I handle this all well, and take it all in stride.  I am just so tired right now, I can't deal with it as well as I normally can. 

Pray for sleep tonight for both of us.  We both desperately need it!